SECRETS

 

The actual definition of the word secret, based on the dictionary, is something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. In life we often have to keep certain things, thoughts or intentions a secret, even to persons who matter to us. And so, how often should we share our inner secrets and to what extent should we share?

Keeping secrets in a relationship creates doubts and insecurity, between the spouses. It’s often said the recipe to a healthy and lasting relationship, is avoiding keeping secrets. Naturally it hurt to discover, secrets about your partner, friends, family that you really didn’t know about, and vice versa.

Secrets have the potential to change the whole dynamics of the relationship, one tend to align themselves with anyone that knows about their secrets, aiming to have them in “check” for lack of a better word.

There are various reasons why we keep secrets. By keeping secrets one can protect their reputation and their relationship with close others, avoid rejection, secrets are your weak point and would act as a currency when used against you. Either to harm or manipulate you into doing something you’re unwilling to do.

In order for something to be a Secret, it opts to have three aspects to it:

1.  Morality-does it cause harm or not

2.  Connection-  does the secrets protects someone

3.  Insight-having a good understanding and knowledge of the secret.

Remember people are different and will act differently, when introduced to different situations or even shared and confined to with secrets. Be honest and truthful to yourself, and beg an answer, how important is it to share my secrets this person.   

In any given time, and relationship one is obligated to hold back some information depending on the level of understanding ones’ spouse bear and trust in each other, since relationships are so fluid and volatile, as they come and go, the person, you think is your partner for a lifetime, might leave you for someone else, after having overshared, neither of us know what tomorrow will be, therefore:

 

a.  Spare your partner the explicit details about your sexual life and history

b.  Disclosing your family secrets and weakness

c.  Never say you like or love something better about your ex, be it sexual prowess, psychic, character etc.

d.  Discuss your feeling towards your previous mates, however difficulty and tough to deal with.

e.  Your past life and experiences (but only share when and what feels appropriate with you.)