Marriage 1o1 series.

 Marriage is a union of two or more individuals’ based on ones’, political alliance, cultural and religious believe, who have agreed and committed to each other to live, stay and share in life’s experiences together for the rest of their lives.

A Marriage, as a union, can either be civil or cultural, and depending with its nature, its survival is dependent on how, each the parties involved interact with and live each together. The nature, into which a marriage institution is formed and commissioned, is of important to get an understanding of it.

In history, there are well articulate and detailed accounts, on how marriage was and has been used as peace treaties to settle dispute between or among rivalries communities or even nations. Such marriages come into existence as a diplomatic way to unite and work together, rather than engage in unending rage of war.

Such an alliance is and was an essential connection, through which a common interest is and was shared by the parties involved. And if by any chance, this union ended prematurely either by divorce or premature death to either of the couples, peace would seize to exist and chaos and turmoil would settle in.

In the African tradition, marriage is viewed as an essential rite of passage, a continuity of the family lineage, and a life-long relationship among the family members to the parties involved. 

According, to the African tradition, the issue of dowry payment was a continuous process, whose main aim was to strengthen the marriage union, as well as, to deepen the bond between members of the two families, yet it wasn’t meant to be an official means for wealth and material gain.

It’s true to say, there are certain individuals, out of their own personal greed, who have tarnished and ruin the beauty of the African tradition marriage. Traditionally, as well as   biblically or even religious, the issue of dowry payment has a long history to it, and depending on ones’ cultural background. There are stipulated requirements in place, as to who is paid, how or [the mode of payment] and how much is needed to be asked for dowry payment.

For instance, within the Kikuyu community in Kenya, the amount of dowry to be paid, is traditional and culturally agreed upon, to be equivalent to, what the brides’ mothers’ dowry was paid.

Having, broken the tip of the ice, on what marriage is, its formation and importance, it’s wise to say no marriage is like the other. What one couples goes through or experiences is total different from another, yet it doesn’t mean their marriage isn’t working, no.

Remember, what works for you, won’t work for someone else. Yet what all marriages have in common is the commitment to each other that, as a couple they will live and cherish each other, no matter the seasons.

Each marriage bears its own unique life lessons, more valuable when learnt and lived by for its sustainability. Despite, its uniqueness in nature, we can share valuable insight to diversify ones knowledge on how to handle arising, issues within a marriage. Hence, changing the narrative and ideology that marriage only can only works a certain way and to certain culture and individuals. 

Across the board, we can learn lessons such as:

 

1. Marriage is all about teamwork. It takes two to tango. In order, for a marriage to work out, its’ necessary that both spouses work together in all aspect of their marriage, from communication, dispute resolution, parenting et cetera.

 

2. Communication is paramount. Like, in any other relationship, man is involved, there has to be an effective and an opened channel of communication. A medium air out ones’ opinion, thoughts and doubt without fear of contradiction.

 

3.  Marriage is a life-long partnership, between two imperfect people. No-one is perfect; we’re all broken and incomplete. Yet we can fit perfectly together by acknowledging one can’t do and live without the other. As imperfection is the mark of authenticity and beauty of one.

 

4.  Marriage is all about forgiveness and second chance. And not keeping score of each –others’ shortcomings or failure to live up to ones expectations.

 

5. Don’t speak ill of your spouses’ behind they back, talk with him or her and let them know what isn’t working for the both of you.

 

6  Resolve your dispute and disagreement privately. There is no respect that comes from airing your issues with other openly, yet it brings shame and lowering your status within the community.

 

7. Never assume, rather ask and clarify ones’ doubt on any issue bothering you or your partner.

 

 

With so much to learn, about marriage with all its aspects, we can’t finalize through a single article, yet we can trickle it down, learning and teaching other valuable lessons each day.